De-Stressing Divorce

divorce
by Tricia Wang 王圣捷

De-Stressing Divorce

Cooperation could not be a word people associate with breakup, however when the authors of the new book have their technique, it shortly is. Called “The Collaborative Way To Divorce: The Revolutionary Method That Results inside Less Stress, Lower Costs, plus Happier Kids-Without Going to Court,” (Hudson Street Press, .95) the book offers what authors Stuart G. Webb plus Ronald D. Ousky state is a means for couples to avoid litigation, without providing up what they desire.

Their Collaborative procedure, that is a nationally acclaimed approach, is assisting transform the method couples dissolve their marriages, separate assets, reinvent their post-divorce relationships plus deal with custody issues.

For example, the breakup task is traditionally started whenever 1 partner prepares (with an attorney) a summons plus petition. That paperwork is then filed with all the courtroom along with a judge is assigned the case. In Collaborative divorces, both customers plus their attorneys meet for a four-way meeting to discuss how everyone would like to proceed with all the case. All parties signal an agreement that commits those to resolving all issues from courtroom.

The book guides visitors step-by-step from the Collaborative procedure plus emphasizes what the authors state is a key point: Collaborative divorces aren’t regarding going simple about the partner, they’re regarding ending up with additional money, less strain plus happier kids.

26 Comments

  1. isk8at818 June 6, 2014 11:40 pm

    I belong to a very orthodox family. I got married 4 years back and had very abusive marriage. My ex husband was physically abusive. We went through a mutual divorce as he wanted to get married to someone else. during this period of time. my friends and family helped me to over come the pain and concentrate on my career. i had shared my pain to one of my closest friend who happened to fall in love with me. initially i told him im not ready for another marriage yet. but his caring and love changed me. i eventually fell in love with him, we almost had a livein relationship and use to spend time for 12 hours a day together. i loved his attention alot. he was very possessive and never allowed me to talk to anyone. it was hard as i work in cmml5 mnc and im a lead in my project. we never discussed our future, but more than 2000mails,600 intimate and love mesgs, phone bills and pics together tht shows we were in relationship and were serious. suddenly his parents fixed him a marriage with a girl he doesn’t like. i was ok with it as i wasn’t ready for marriage yet. i asked him to get married, as planned we decided to breakup after my bday as we planned for that spl day. however the marriage got cancelled as they came to know abt us. he blames me as i told those girls relatives which is not true, he never told me who are they and i never asked him, i loved him too much but we are from different culture. he proposed me again after his marriage was cancelled , however we decided to get married this time to avoid unorthodox talks abt our characters, we discussed on how to married and how to convince our parents too.. i have mentioned him many times tht i cant step back once i confront my parents regarding him. he was quite confident then, he was suppose to talk to my parents and somehow i got a call from his elder sister asking me to forget him. and he too said he cant manage at home and informed to tell my parents tht “he cheated me”.. i cried and tried to explain him. but he never moved, it was strange to see him tht way. sudden change in the person i love broke me up. he stopped calling me. so i posted all our pics and note abt our relationship in facebook and tagged him. so that his family and friends would know. i also changed his access to his password for both facebook and gmail. now im in no contact with him. my brother and uncle tried to call them but there was minimum response from them. i dont find any use of contacting him. he is hiding himself not in touch any common frnds. i feeling devastated. i tried to kill myself but it will only prove me wrong. i feel literally used by him. and unable to work being a lead in mnc it is hampering my status in office. and most of our common frnds know abt us. i dont want any guy to misuse my name. it has damaged my imagine and name. either i want to marry but it doesn’t seems to positive now. i want to sue him because wat he did with me was wrong. im devastated because i was already broken up and he was there as guide and molded me into him. as my best friend i trusted and loved him blindly. i loved him eachtime he proposed me. but wen i agreed i dont understand why he did this to me.
    1: i want to know wat will happen now if i file case on him
    2: i cant walk into a ps and file a case, as i belong to a very big family.
    3: can i file a case thru court ?
    im completely broken now and mentally not able to face anyone. i never wanted to be in such situation that a man cheated me used me literally for over a year. even he belongs to typical orthodox family. where women are not allowed to even work. its been a month now since i spoke to him or heard anything from him. its been a month since i went office as im not able to face anything now and im broken to the core. i want to know how to file a case now.
    i hate to move on. i want him to know htat girls arent use and thro

  2. Jeremy Xargor is my gamertag June 7, 2014 5:11 am

    I am in the process of a divorce and have sole custody of my 2 yr old daughter. I have been going to college (to become a teacher) and took the summer off. I don’t know if I should begin again this semester taking just one or two courses, to get back into the swing of things or take an extended break until spring semester to just allow myself the time to get through all of the stress that my divorce and all of the changes that come with it bring. Do you think that taking courses would be beneficial to get my mind off of things or do you think it’ll just contribute to my already chaotic life. I dont know if two courses is that important right now but I dont want to wait around when I could be getting credits for my degree either. I just dont know if im ready to handle the added responsibility but I dont want to get left behind either. Any advice or personal experiences would be greatly appreciated on what I should do. Thanks:)

  3. uberfailz June 8, 2014 4:35 am

    I’m mad at him for not wanting to be anything better than mediocre in anything but his job. He’s a mediocre father to our two boys, a mediocre husband, and a mediocre person. If I ask him to do anything he does enough so that I dont ask him again but not enough to complete anything. ie, IF he helps with the dishes he will do the plates andsilverware but leave the pots and pans for me. If he gives our older son a bath, he wont use soap or shampoo. He never does anything that gives me a true break because I always have to finish what he started. Deep down I’m really mad at him and we often fight because of it. He just annoys me. Everything he does from eating to sleeping to breathing, it all annoys me. I am so mad at him for not trying to be better. I was only 19 when we had our first child and I sucked it up and became a great mom. He still sucks. That was 3 years ago. He’s not even willing to try. He won’t go to counseling and I hate the thought of divorce. What do I do?

  4. Erfan June 8, 2014 4:29 pm

    So my husband & I have been having issues now for about a month. We have gone on our ups and downs. Discussion of separating, then divorce, then separating. There seems no sense to anything that is happening. It started because he told me “I got married too young” and then it went on to “I don’t love you anymore, I don’t feel anything” to me finding out there was another person. I keep trying to figure out what went wrong & how we got to this point but I really don’t want a divorce especially because we have two young kids. Well, for the past two years we have both failed at our marriage. We hadn’t been maintaining it (date nights, etc) bec of school & our two young children. I don’t think we even tried to really love each other and now it’s come to this point and I just feel horrible thinking about it all. I feel like I failed him at being his wife with offering him intimacy, etc. I want to make it work & I was wondering if there was a chance we could fall back in love & build our marriage back up. Any comments or suggestions are appreciated.

  5. Mistry June 8, 2014 8:05 pm

    Everytime my hubby and I fight lately he asks if I want a divorce. I don’t. He says he doesn’t. We’ve been married about 4 years and about 1/2 year ago we went through a separation, so I know things are tough. We’ve both been previously married. Ever since we got back together if we fight or I express feelings of being sad or appear mad (not even be mad), he asks “should I just leave for the rest of the day?”, “do you want to give up?” or something similar. I tend to be a person who has a hard time de-stressing from work etc. and so sometimes I probably watch too much tv or get silent, but I’ve told him this many times. Also during past few months I gained some weight, went from bottom of my healthy BMI to mid-top of my healthy BMI range, so I’ve been upset/unhappy about that and trying to watch my eating get back on exercise…but when I am upset about my weight because I had trouble finding something I can wear to work etc. my husband somehow turns it around and thinks the reason I’m upset is about him/our marriage…even when I tell him it’s not I just don’t seem to get through to him. His constant asking me if I want to give up or get a divorce is only making me more depressed. I’ve told him that and asked him to try and stop, try and understand me or be more patient. But it doesn’t seem to work. What can I do? I really want him to stop thinking every little thing is dooms-day and I want to feel better.

  6. krow147 June 8, 2014 10:57 pm

    yet you can’t get a divorce cause you have to kids and just discovered you’re pregnant with the 3rd …

    i need serious answers please ..

    ask me anything if you need any Additional details ..

    thank you ..
    @ travis :all my friend think he is not stable .. but i won’t ever dare to ask him to go to shrink ..
    and yes he hits me .. last time he didn’t stopped but when he saw blood coming out of my mouth ..
    it dose not have any thing with islam , my father never laid a finger on my mother ..
    .. i can’t leave him no one supporting me cause i have kids ..
    plus .. last time i asked him for divorce he threatened me that he’ll kill my kids if i said that again ..

    @jojoba : like i said am from a Western country and they don’t believe in divorce ..

    @abdulmalik : he don’t fear allah but rarely .. he pray in front of people only .. talking with him won’t make a different but getting my a$s kicked ..
    @ happy goes lucky : i discussed that with you before in one of your question and your comment eased my mind for days .. but it was in another account .. if you know who i mean please don’t tell it’s too embarrassing for my sisters and brothers in this section to know how i’ve been living yet i laugh and joke with them , i don’t want them to know the dark size of me .. please .. thank you any way ..

    @ jannah .. there is nothing bad he did not do to me … and i mean nothing .. every thing you can Imagina happened to me and more ..
    @ abdulmalik : he’s related to my father, his father raised him as my father was an orphan .. so my dad never says any thing when i complain .. he saw me destroyed to the point of having mental break down and not able to speak probably for weeks and yet he didn’t do any thing .. he didn’t moved a muscle .. no one supporting me and i can’t support my kids a good life as am still studding in college am only 23 and i got married when i was 15, i got engaged when i was 12 and i didn’t thought about the responsibility am getting my self into when i agreed i was just a kid ..

    @ travis : again no one supporting me, i can’t just leave him, am muslim and it’s a big sin , am arabian and that’s against my culture, my family would hunt me for the rest of my life ..
    i’ll tell you this .. last month he was very high he couldn’t even walk he hugged me tightly i couldn’t even breath and kept saying ” no one will take you away for me, i’ll never leave you, i’ll set your body in fine before someone t
    * before some one take you away from me ”

    i fear allah then i fear him .. he would do anything not to lose me ..
    he says that’s love but i know it’s just Obsession ..
    he’s too jealous .. he give me hard time if he see me kissing my father cheek ..
    he hate my mother cause i love her so much and i never hesitant to show it ..
    he yells at me and make a big fight if i talked to any stranger or a cousin , he just want to lock me in a box and never let me out ..

    i swear by allah i’ve been a good muslim wife to the top point .. but yet it never satisfied him ..

    he always fight with me about the house and how clean and organized it should be and he act like he have o.c.d yet he throw all of his clothes around the house ..
    am so scared and lost and just hopeless ..

    i need any one to tell me how to accept my life ’till allah release me from this hell ..

    i think of killing my self on daily basis but i know it’s not fair for my kids .. and i don’t want to die as a sinner after all i ‘ve been

  7. RxP DarkBox June 9, 2014 8:37 am

    not old rap, stuff that’s pretty ‘in’ right now.

  8. HASTHEANSWERS June 9, 2014 9:22 am

    Is it still possible to be depressed even though my life is fine I have all the syptoms of depression but I have no reason to be depressed. One of my friends has been raped, one is belimic, another has anorexia. My life is great compared to theres. My parents have never got on and have recently got divorced, my mum is depressed and ny dad is struggling. Both of them take their anger out on me and now I am starting to get more and more negative and can’t be bothered to put effort in to anything. I do try my hardest with my friends and am helping them a lot with their problems but never tell anyone mine because I hardly have any. I never complete a task because I know the end result will be bad. I self harm but I don’t understand why. People often put me down and I used to be bullied but not anymore. I dont think I can be depressed so why am I always so lazy and sad when im by myself? Please help, thanks x

  9. Travoiz June 9, 2014 9:22 am

    I would like to hear from folks with recommendations for nude facilities in Florida where a person could have a permanent mobile or manufactured home, or RV. I am looking for a place where a person could stay a good deal of the time if they chose to. If there are any such places that anyone has visited and have a negative recommendation, I would appreciate hearing about also.
    Thank you.

  10. RuMKilleR June 10, 2014 7:57 am

    My wife and i are 26 and we have been married 8 years been TTC for 4 of those with absolutely no success. She has been going through all kinds of fertility treatment and everything and are still unsure why she can’t have kids my sperm levels are normal well actually above normal since its about 90million per a milliliter. Well anyways we both want kids more then anything and its just gotten to the point that its very disheartening she has giving birth to two stillborn’s so needless to say she is just so depressed and i do not know what to do she blames herself all the time and she just goes off on me for no reason at times screaming and slapping me and crying and sobbing it sucks so bad and i hate it. I am just at a lost and do not know what else to do anymore. Been thinking it would be better just to divorce i love her more then anything in the world but i want her happy and i do not think she is happy with me. What should i do? Advice?

  11. Michael K June 10, 2014 9:57 pm

    I can’t take fluid pills . I always have a reaction with my heart. Since I moved into this apt. after a divorce I do not get any exercise.I watch t.v. and stay on computer. Too cold to walk. Is there anything like a juice I can drink? Thanks for your answer.

  12. lets roll June 11, 2014 3:45 am

    I want 4 bells to start it off. It should be something like: dung—– dung—- dung—— dung——. Then I want something in a heave voice that says something catchy like”dance it y’all” and then I don’t care whats next!

  13. Agent 47 June 11, 2014 2:02 pm

    Shall I go to a local massage parlour to bring an end to this facade? Never cheated before but had enough cra# from her. I will wait for a vote from you guys on yeh or neh.

  14. Scott Bull June 13, 2014 9:51 am

    Sorry if this is long but please read it. Lately I just feel like killing myself because I’m so mad and depressed every day. It seems like everything is falling apart I don’t know what to do. My parents are getting divorced and they are constantly fighting so I can never talk to them. In school I am barely passing all the classes, and everyone at school hates me or never talks to me. I have friends but I feel like they hate me too and I feel like I’m not good enough for anyone. Girls never talk to me, I’m not like really bad looking either. Thats the biggest problem, I just want to be loved by someone but that will never happen. My family has hardly any money. I stay awake every night and just wish that my life could be perfect but it will never be. I never did anything wrong to deserve any of this. Theres nobody for me to talk to, nobody who loves me. Please help me I can’t do this much longer.
    People tell me things will get better, I’ve waited too long for that to happen.

  15. The Inc June 14, 2014 5:32 am

    well he has been stressing out like crazy, hes crazy he hit m and busted my lip witch i had a lip ring in so it broke and got really ugly in the inside just cause i called my mom,their divorced Im 16. Well he acts worst than me when he stresses out, he freaks, screams doesn’t even know what happen and is already screaming and wants to hit people. please what can I do to calm him down and make his problem go away or help it calm down a little bit. my mom is going to take me and my brother away from him so I need help fast to help him. please

  16. Goe122 June 15, 2014 6:08 pm

    my parents are possibly divorcing. my friends seem to be changing and now have much different values and interests than the ones that originally made our friendships. i am personally dealing with identity issues, emotional control, ect, ect. the one person i have been depending on lately is suddenly pulling away because he says i have been acting like an emo. what do i do?????

  17. friendly 4 June 16, 2014 1:56 pm

    I don’t know what to do. I think I may be losing it. I get so mad at my husband and he really doesn’t deserve it. He is a kind man. I feel bitter at him because we don’t have the relationship that I thought we were going to have. I want to make a difference in the world and he is happy playing video games all the time. This is his choice and ok to an extent-I shouldn’t try and change him. I get very mad and say such mean hurtful things to him…I really just want him to pay attention to me, but OBVIOUSLY hurting him doesn’t make him want to talk to me. How can I control my anger? Divorce is not an option because I don’t think irreconcilable differences is a valid reason to get divorced. Any suggestions? Thanks.

  18. kerrin marz June 16, 2014 5:37 pm

    Well, we have an interesting situation in our family. My brother married my husbands sister, and now they are getting divorced. I love them both and i don’t want them seperated but it is her fault that this is happening. Well my husband wants them together soooo badly. He had been calling my brother and trying to convince him to work things out. Well some awful things happened and my brother is having anxiety attacks. This runs i my family, i suffer from them, but this is the first time in his life that this has ever happened to him, he told me that all these years he thought i was just being sensitive and freaking out over nothing but now he knows…ok back to my question at hand, my mom called me and told me that my brother doesn’t want my husband calling him right now because everytime he presses him to work things out with his soon to be ex and ends up having panic attacks. My brother doesn’t know that i know this and she didn’t want me to tell them because he feels bad that i am involved at all (o yes, did i mention his soon to be ex wife is currently living with me, while my husband is in kansas for the next few months, and there are 5 kids between the two of us, none of which are my brothers
    ) yes, this has been fun. So i called my husband and told him the situation and asked him to please stay out of it and not to call my brother again, if not for my brother and his sister then at least for me because i am already directly involved and stressed about the whole situation i don’t need to add anymore to my plate…..so what happens tonight:? i get a call from my brother, barely able to breath because he’s freaking out, becuase my husband called him to talk to him again! i tried talking to my husband about it but it mostly me crying and him telling me he can talk to whoever he wants…i know that he is upset and he wants to help but A) his sister doesn’t want to be married anymore and B) The two of them being directly related to both of us no matter what makes this situation even harder for me and i would hope my husband. I feel we need to be neutral and help with superficial things. I told my brother and sister in law that i can help with food shelter and resources but i can’t give advice or give a lot of emotional support to either of them right now becuase i cant be responsible for any decisions that they make, only because of our relation to both of them!! ugh!! i’m not even mad about the phone call situation, i am soooo upset about it!! How could i tell him this information about my brother and ask him specificly not to call him right now and he does it anyway! i mean his sister is the one that decided this was over yet all he takes into consideration is what he wants….honestly why am i so upset about him doing this?? should i be upset or should i be understanding because it involves his sister?
    wewh! although that was long i think i need to add a few details in regards to questions. first he is seeking medical attention, medically and mentally. The second he called me freaking out because he didn’t know what was happening i said get to the dr! panic attacks can be such a simple fix if you are willing to accept them and work with yourself and professionals. Second my question wasn’t really asked to help me decide where i stand in all this, i would love to stay out of it completely and for the most part i have, except for the fact i can not let my sister and law and her kids be homeless, i just can’t. i flat out told her i couldn’t offer her any advice, all i could do was love her and help her physically. Ok and lastly, i feel upset by my husband because i asked him not to do something important to me and he did it anyways, i don’t care what side he is on, that would never upset me. Thats really what my entire question was about.
    o! PS. as far as knocking sense into his sister, thats a broken record! he tried and tried and tried becuase it was so blatenly obvious that she was headed for disaster but not an ounce of talk, pleading, or rationalizing effected her for one second…until she told her husband to leave and he did…..now she wants to seek couseling, stop living her old ways, and loves her soon to be ex. It’s one of those have your cake and eat it to/you never knew what you had till it was gone type of situation. totally sad but i have to concentrate of otehr things…which is why this whole phone call situation has stressed me to the max!

  19. dealy June 16, 2014 7:52 pm

    you suggest I de-stress?

    I am so emotional right now just being pregnant but everything else is just pushing me over the edge.

    My husband wanted me to leave on June 24th.

  20. Jerosh Nagulachandran June 16, 2014 7:57 pm

    im making a playlist and i need to know some really really good songs to listen to while smoking..mostly r&b or rap..

  21. JimT June 17, 2014 11:09 am

    Can someone please tell me a few good inexpensive restaurants in Manhattan, NYC?

  22. norrin_shadowwolf June 21, 2014 1:43 am

    delivered a perfectly healthy baby? im 20 weeks and my dad is going through a divorce with my stepmom and my dad calls and talks to me about it everyday. then my husbands mom is being a nag to my husband. then his dad wont quit calling. i have a lot of stress right now. i really need everyone to leave me alone. my husband for some reason has been stressed and hes taking it out on me and our dogs are annoying him. he yells at them every 5 minutes and hes been grumpy for the last 3 days. his stress is putting stress on me. we never have sex anymore because hes always tired. i just dont know what to do. i just dont want to put stress on my baby but i cant help whats going on right now. will everything be okay?

  23. Ev dog June 21, 2014 6:20 am

    I have had a cold now for almost 2 weeks. I have not had one like this before, its left me really drained and constantly tired and I don’t know why. I am having around 6 hours sleep a night at the moment, which I know is not enough. I’ve not had any time off work for a while also. I am going through alot at the moment, I am in the middle of a divorce so thats very stressful. I am worrying about money. I seem to have put on weight also but I don’t know why. I hardly eat anything throughout the day at work, but I always eat when I get home as I am starving! I think it could be a mixture of everything going on. I also suffer with anxiety and also gastro reflux for which I am on medication for both at the moment. Any tips or advise on this would be great.
    Thanks

  24. Jeff June 21, 2014 10:19 am

    I’ve had them for a few years now, but recently they’ve been a little worse with the stress of a harder school year and my parent’s divorce.
    It starts with a huge wave of nausea, and then shaking, feeling light headed and feeling hot.
    I’ve tried to calm myself with breathing, but it just causes me to hyperventilate. I’ve tried to just lie down, but it doesn’t do any good. I’ve tried all these tips, but it just doesn’t seem to help.
    Any suggestions? What works for you?

  25. clntvrrt June 22, 2014 12:54 am

    Simple question. Just wondering if there are any good songs out there(: Just tell my the title and if you want who there by. I kinda want to here some really good ones. Thanks.

  26. Peter June 22, 2014 7:38 am

    I’m waking up with nightmares about past flames and day-of disasters. Is it normal to be this nervous? Anyone have any tips for how to de-stress a little or any advice?
    Thanks everyone– hearing that I’m not losing my mind makes me feel a lot better. The advice is greatly appreciated!

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